Portal: the Cake Is a PIE!





Introduction: Portal: the Cake Is a PIE!

About: I started as scavenger cook in college before the powers of the internet turned me into the kitchen and fandom geek of today. I run a food blog that explores the world of film, books, and comics through a cu...

After a long day of jumping through portals, incinerating your favorite companion cube, and dreaming of the promises of cake, nothing would be better than a delicious and moist confection to go along with your flaming, pyrrhic victory.

You'd think that, wouldn't you? I mean, look at it. This cake, topped with cherries and whipped cream looks benign. Cut through that dark chocolate ganache icing, and oh look, it's actually yellow cake. Well that's ok, you still like that combination. Cut even further and what's this? Inside this insanely moist cake is none other than a cherry PIE! What is this sorcery? The cake is deceptive; but hold on, there's more. Taste the cake and it is actually LEMON FLAVORED. Why? Because life has given the baker lemons, and that baker has burned life's house down with CHOCOLATE, CHERRY AND LEMON CAKE-PIE GRENADES!

This cake is not going give itself to you. You have to earn it through determination, lots of gameplay hours, and failing/falling with style. The Cake ain't just a lie, folks. This cake is a PIE!!

Why don't we pour ourselves some bourbon (you will need it) and get started?...

Step 1: Assemble Your Core Components


  • 15 oz box roll-out pie crusts
  • 20 oz can cherry pie filling
  • 1 tablespoon unsalted butter, cut into small pieces
  • 16.5 oz box lemon cake mix
  • 3.9-4 oz lemon pudding mix
  • 16 oz sour cream
  • 3 eggs
  • 1/3 cup vegetable oil
  • 1/2 cup whiskey
  • 16 oz dark chocolate chips
  • 2 cups heavy cream
  • 1/2 cup powdered sugar
  • pinch salt
  • cooking spray
  • all purpose flour
  • whipped cream
  • pitted cherries
  • birthday candle


  • oven
  • stovetop
  • 8 inch oven-safe skillet
  • 9 inch cake pan
  • 9 inch springform cake pan
  • medium saucepan
  • icing spreader
  • cooling rack
  • refrigerator
  • parchment paper
  • tinfoil

Step 2: Complete the Pie Level

Preheat the oven to 425 degrees Fahrenheit. Put a layer of parchment paper into your skillet and drop in one of the rollout pie crusts. You don't see the paper in the pictures? Yeah, hindsight is 20/20 and my vision ain't so great. This will help you remove said pie from the skillet later.

Fill the crust with the pie filling and top with the other pie crust. Trim the crust edges and fold the edge of the bottom crust over the top. Cut some vents in the top, dot it with butter, and tent with tin foil before baking 30-40 minutes or until golden brown. Start the next level while the pie is baking: Chocolate ganache icing.

Step 3: Complete the Ganache Level

While the pie is baking, bring the heavy cream, powdered sugar and pinch salt to a boil in a saucepot on the stovetop. Turn off and remove from heat and pour in chocolate chips. Allow to sit for a minute or two and then whisk until completely mixed. Chill in the refrigerator for at least two hours. Remove the pie from the oven and allow to cool in the refrigerator while you start the next level: Cake Batter.

Step 4: Batter It Up...

Lower the oven to 350 degrees Fahrenheit. In a large mixing bowl, whisk together your cake mix and pudding mix until thoroughly mixed. Crack the three eggs into the bowl, add the vegetable oil, whiskey, and sour cream. Stir until completely combined into a thick batter.

Step 5: Throw Every Piece Into a Fire

Prepare your cake pans by spraying the insides with cooking spray, put a few tablespoons of all purpose flour and shake and move the pan so that there's a light coating of flour on the whole interior.

Spread a layer of batter to cover the bottom of each pan. Carefully transfer the pie into spring form cake pan. Cover the pie with more batter, folding it down and around the edges to seal it inside. Distribute what is left of the batter between the two pans.

Bake the smaller pan for about 30 minutes and the spring form for about 40 minutes. Remove both cakes after and allow to cool on a cooling rack.

Step 6: Make It Pretty

When the icing has completely chilled, transfer the smaller tier to your cake plate. Ice the whole layer with the ganache and carefully transfer the large tier on top. Scoop out plenty of icing on top and spread it so it covers the top and sides. To give it the whipped look, use the spatula or icing spreader to make small "C" shapes all over the surface. Chill the cake in the fridge until for the most part solid (about another hour or two).

When ready to serve, spray dollops of whipped cream in eight points and top them with cherries. Set a birthday candle on top.

Step 7: Make a Note Here: HUGE SUCCESS!

Light that candle. Think of all the things you learned. This cake is great; it's so delicious and moist.

I hope you enjoyed this tutorial that near drove me mad in the making. I exist to figure out the crazy hard stuff, so you don't have to. Think of this as a walkthrough...for cake, delicious delicious cake.

If you like fandom and food, be sure to check out my blog: The Gluttonous Geek for more inspired recipes.

Deceptive Desserts Contest

Third Prize in the
Deceptive Desserts Contest

Pi Day Challenge 2016

Grand Prize in the
Pi Day Challenge 2016



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    Congratulation, for winning the pi day contest ............

    Did you go to Hogwarts because this is magic...

    1 reply

    Actually yes, though Rowling left my house out of the story.

    Was a proud member of House Wafflecakes. We were too busy stuffing our faces at the Sorting Feast to get in line so the hat yelled our house name at us from across the room.

    I did, however, make up a new recipe for pumpkin pasties:

    As well as attend an alumni Christmas Feast with Professor Snape as my date for the evening:

    Hilariously written, and well deserving the Pi-Day challenge Grand prize! Congratulations!!!

    1 reply

    Question. What is the smaller cake tier actually for, why make it? And also, you list two 9 inch cake pans even though there is a smaller tier.

    1 reply

    The spring form pan is actually taller (ie - able to actually fit that pie inside it). And the smaller tier is to provide a stable base and add body since this particular cake recipe doesn't really rise that high.


    This is sorcery, delicous sorcery.

    Hey! I have that same lightning turret, only its side panels are closed!

    Great job! I like the pun. I think I might make this sometime!

    "The cake is a lie

    The cake is a lie

    The cake is a lie

    The cake is a lie"

    -Walls in portal

    That's an awesome idea! Well written too.

    When you make this on your own, you are more than welcome to make whatever pie you want. Just for authenticity's sake, don't leave out the fish shaped solid waste and ethylbenzene either! ;)

    Its hard to overstate my satisfaction

    This truly is one of my favorite instructables